hello to my new smart friends
My name is Evan (Evanrudenyc) Im a 32 y/o music producer from Manhattan and I just wrapped up scoring the soundtrack for my first film, and when Im not working on a project, Im usually working on my own stuff (w/ a possible record deal in the works) ==I figured Id give you a little background before I get to the meat n potatoes of this thing== My normal routine would be to cop 2 or 3 grams of cocaine as early as possible (9, 10 pm) and get started working on tracks (Im a computer musician) and usually go until the drugs ran out (5 to 8 am ish) and would have raced my way through 2 or 3 tracks… beautiful… The problem is now that Im sober, I havent been able to work on any music and its killing me… (if there are any musicians in here who could give me advice , or at least I.D. w me I would be grateful) So instead of making music as a positive activity (I used to be able to compose sober until this past year) its become a source of frustration, and yes, heartbreak, as music is my passion and really my life. Especially now when Im supposed to put together an ep for the record company, I just cant work on my tracks…… And its really a therapeutic exercise for me as well………………. its like being out in the desert for a month, coming home to find out its Thanksgiving, and the table is spread w/ all your favorite food, and your stomach is growling loud enough to shake the room but you dont have an appetite…… (ok, maybe a corny metaphor) and I need to get these songs done if I want this record deal to turn into a reality……..
so suffice it to say Im extremely frustrated, a good bit sad, and a pinch angry………….. so thats one of the little issues I have right now…………….
Im also in a 5 day a week outpatient program (9am to noon) which I love and really starts my day off on the right foot. Then I usually go to 2 AA meeting s a day, I have 2 sponsors, I come here to chat w/ you fine people at least 3 or 4 times a day, and stay in touch w/ some of my buddies from rehab which I just got out of 3 weeks ago after a 7 day stay (friggin insurance wouldnt cover a 28 day stretch) So I have some really solid support and am really doing a lot of work this time around. I used to be the guy who would sit in the back of the room, and leave at the break…. now I try to sit closer to the front (still not a front-rower, to much anxiety, but getting closer) I get at least 1 phone number from almost every meeting I go to. Im doing the things they suggest for the first time and I feel a lot of power from connecting w other alcoholics and addicts……..
so thats it for today, theres so much to say, so much of the bad stuff to share, but thats all I have in me today……….
thank you.
